Can the Red Sox top Billy Crystal?

I have been hearing it on the radio, on the street and in the papers. The Yankees are (reluctantly) conceding that the Red Sox have become the team to beat. The Yankees have been shaken from the 2004 devastating loss to the Red Sox in the ALCS. The Yankees are desperate and clawing at anything to leapfrog back ahead of the Red Sox. I heard all of these things, and even after the firing of Joe Torre, I have been reluctant to believe it. Until now.

Have you heard the Yankees are giving Billy Crystal a shot at the big leagues tomorrow? He will officially be signed to a minor league contract (details of which are not available here), and that gives him the opportunity to win a spot on the big league roster. He is already slated to be a starter in the game against the Pirates this Thursday. But, who are the Yankees kidding? Sure, Billy Crystal is a devoted, life-long fan of the Yankees. Who can deny that? How many fans have gone to the trouble to make a movie about their favorite team? (the 2001 movie was "61*" and told the story of Roger Maris' 61 home run season - a good movie). But if they are trying out Billy Crystal, I will concede, the Yankees are surely desperate.

Can this be rational? Billy Crystal is turning 60 years old. Isn't that too old for MLB? Well, Satchel Paige pitched at the "official" age of 59 (no joke), so maybe there's a precedent. More recently, we've had old timers like Nolan Ryan and Julio Franco rolling the old wheelchair out onto the field. My guess, given that we are in the 21st century, is that Billy is taking a page from another adored Yankee player who showed us all how the simple adoption of modern medicine can allow you to continue to play year after year. Yes, Roger Clemens. Isn't it obvious? Billy Crystal was a regular figure at Yankee stadium during Roger's best years with the Yankees. Billy Crystal had a big fan in George Steinbrenner. So, Billy Crystal uses his fame to get himself access to the Yankee clubhouse, befriends Clemens, and shares with Roger his plan to get in shape and make the team someday. Roger, ever the baseball mentor, takes Crystal under his wing, introduces him to his own personal trainer, Brian MacNamee, and the next thing you know, Billy Crystal will come strutting out of the dugout tomorrow looking like a wrinkled version of Jose Canseco.

So, clearly the Yankees have outdone themselves this time. They are indeed desperate. But, they are clever. While the rest of the league explores untapped baseball talent across Asia and South America, the Yankees are the only ones exploring the untapped resources of Hollywood. It seems so obvious now, doesn't it? It was right under our noses the whole time! But, again, I think the Red Sox can outsmart them at their own game. Billy Crystal did not portray a baseball player in his movie, he directed it. Where the Red Sox (are you listening Theo?) can counter this is by going hard after Kevin Costner, and they need to do so before the Yankees think of it. Not only has Kevin Costner been associated with baseball movies, but he has played the parts of baseball players and adoring fans of baseball. I know what you are thinking - but is he a Red Sox fan? Well, maybe not to the extent that Billy Crystal is a Yankees fan, but in "Field of Dreams", which ballpark did he drive across the country to attend a game, Yankee Stadium? No, it was Fenway Park. That's good enough for me. And not only has he proven his love for the game in "Field of Dreams", but he also played a catcher in "Bull Durham" and a pitcher in "For the Love of the Game". We all know how valuable pitchers and catchers are.

Just imagine our first game against the Yankees when they trot out their new secret weapon in Billy Crystal, and then see the looks on their faces when Kevin Costner strides out of the dugout and takes the mound for the Red Sox. What a sight that would be!