Rays Live True Cinderella Story in Dramatic Game 5 Loss

Yes, this is truly a Cinderella story. The King, Bud Selig, was throwing a huge party at Fenway Park, called the ALCS. The Rays wanted to go, but they had no superstars and no confidence that they should be there. So, their Fairy Godmother, played by Joe Maddon, showed up, and pulled out his magic wand. Joe convinced them they belonged there, and he cast a spell to make sure it stuck. He took a flopping Devil Ray out of the tank in Tropicana Field, and turned it into a plane to take them to Boston. Then, he cast spells on all of them.

He took Evan Longoria and Gabe Gross and turned them from mice into horses to pull the Rays on their journey. He took lizards named Dan Wheeler and J.P. Howell and turned them onto footmen to guide and care for the Rays during the journey. Finally, he found a rat named Grant Balfour, and turned him into a coachman to lead the charge through the late innings.

As all Fairy Godmothers will tell you, these spells only last until (roughly) midnight, eastern standard time. Joe warned them of this, and they all promised they would remember.

But, at the party, they were having so much fun. They met an opposing starting pitcher named Dice-K Matsuzaka, who was famous and exotic. Everyone wanted to meet Dice-K, but under the Fairy Godmother's spell, Dice-K only had eyes for the Rays. They danced with Dice-k and had so much fun that they hit home runs and jumped out to a 5-0 lead after only 3 innings. Later, they met Manny Delcarmen and Jonathan Papelbon and enjoyed playing with them too, scoring 2 more runs. They became so elated with their great fortune, that they lost all track of time.

The clock began chiming, the midnight warning blaring out. But, the Rays could not get out of Fenway yet, it was only the bottom of the 7th inning. Grant Balfour, as the coachman, grabbed the reins of the Rays' horse-drawn carraige and snapped them to lead the charge through the late innings and out of the ballpark. Suddenly, Balfour was surrounded by swirling sparkles and right before our eyes, he changed back into a rat. Dustin Pedroia smashed the rat with an RBI single to score Jed Lowrie from third base. Then, Big Papi clobbered the rat with a three run home run.

The score was now 7-4, and Joe Maddon knew he could not win with a rat, so he sent the footmen, Wheeler and Howell in to help. Wheeler was barely starting when the swirly sparkles swirled around him, transforming him back into a lizard. As a lizard, there was not much he could do when JD Drew crushed his offering for a two run home run and the score was now 7-6. He gave it one more try, only to watch as Mark Kotsay doubled and Coco Crisp toyed with him for 9 pitches before lacing a single to tie the game at 7!

Godmother Joe had one idea left before it was too late. The clock had chimed 11 times, but maybe he could still escape. Joe sent Howell in to save them, but Howell was already turning back into a lizard. Kevin Youkilis ripped a ball to third, and Evan Longoria tried to field it and throw to first, but in mid throw, he suddenly transformed back into a mouse. This horse was gone, and the ball sailed away from Carlos Pena at first base and Youk ended up on second. Then JD Drew stepped up and smashed a line drive to right field. Gabe Gross raced back to make the catch, but half way there, he too changed back from a horse into a mouse, and a mouse will never catch a JD Drew line drive. Nor can a mouse throw out Youkilis steaming home from second base.

Youkilis scored, and the Cinderella story was over. They forgot to watch the time, and the clock ran out. Their juggernaut turned back into a flopping Devil Ray, which is what is was all along.